When you read books depicting societies of the past, you will generally find that most of the time, at most places, societies put men above women in terms of status. Women were always seen as the weaker sex, regardless of how many children they were able to bear or how smart and intelligent they could be. They did not have as many rights or privileges as men did.
The pre-Islamic Arab society was no different. The prevalent majority did not hold women to much regard. The Qur’an highlights certain norms that are, by any modern standard, socially unacceptable and archaic in nature. For example, when an Arab man was given good news that his wife had given birth to a daughter, what would have been a joyous occasion turned out to be otherwise. His face would darken, and he would be filled with gloom and grief. He would then hide himself away from his people, out of shame, and would start to contemplate. Should he keep her and suffer contempt and humiliation, or just bury her in the ground?[1]
The society did not find raising a girl to have any merits. A girl was difficult to care for. She might bring shame upon the family. A son, on the other hand, was celebrated. He would bring glory and honour to the family. There were exceptions, of course, but these would not be as common as families who simply preferred sons.
Such views gave way for other practices to take place, such as a man making an agreement to marry off his daughter to another man on the condition that the second man marry off his own daughter to the first man – without any dowry or any say from either of the daughters. It was also common that a son would inherit the widow of his father.
It was not a good time to be a woman.
But all that changed, with the rise of the last prophet sent to mankind: Muhammad s.a.w.
Already well known before his prophethood as trustworthy and respectable, Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. brought messages of faith, peace, kindness, and respect. His character was strong, and he brought the meaning of masculinity to a different level/light. He was not some big man speaking in a loud voice, waving around a weapon of some sort to command fear and obedience. He was in fact the absolute opposite of what might have been perceived to be masculine for centuries. He was the gentlest person anyone could have met. He corrected behaviours and norms through his actions, words, and treatment towards the people around him.
In that sense, the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. was revolutionary.
When it came to his interactions with women, he was neither forceful nor abusive. He did not shun them away nor did he view them as objects created for the pleasures of men. He was kind, gentle and respectful. He was sensitive to the emotions and needs of women. He celebrated them without assigning a special day or time just for them – he simply honoured them as human beings deserving of respect and esteem.
At a time when it was common that baby girls were buried alive simply because they did not turn out to the boys that the fathers wanted, the Prophet s.a.w. carried his baby granddaughter during solat. It was reported that when he wanted to perform ruku’, he would put her down, and when he rose to stand up, he would lift her up in his arms again[2]. It seemed like a simple act, but witnessing this caused a mindset shift within the society. If girls were burdensome, why did this great man treat his granddaughter in such manner, especially when he was leading the prayer?
At a time when daughters were unwanted, the Prophet s.a.w. honoured his daughter Fatimah r.a. in remarkable ways. Aishah r.a. narrated that whenever he saw Fatimah coming towards him, he would stand up to welcome her, take her by the hand, kiss her and make her sit where he was sitting. And she would do the same for him[3]. It might be a bit more common to see fathers being affectionate towards their daughters these days, but the Prophet did all of those more than a thousand years ago! The men, having just emerged from a culture that had deep-seated hatred for daughters must have been stunned to witness this.
At a time when men felt humiliated that they were blessed with daughters instead of sons, the Prophet s.a.w. told them that if they were to take care of three daughters and raise them well, they would protect him from the hellfire[4]. In another hadith, he said that any man who has two or three daughters, or even two or three sisters, and he treats them well and looks after them, he is guaranteed paradise[5]. Would men then prefer sons at the expense of daughters, shun those who were bestowed with female progeny or relatives, when being protectors over them was a virtue like no other?
At a time when wives were seen as no more than property and objects that could be discarded or exchanged at the whims of men, the Prophet s.a.w. said that the best of men were those who were the best to their wives, and that he himself was the best to his wives[6]. He was unapologetic at how well he treated his wives. He made a point that it was not considered weak to be gentle and kind with women – in fact, the gentlest and kindest were deemed the best of men in the sight of God!
At a time when women usually had no say or significance in the community apart from child-rearing expectations, the Prophet s.a.w. declared that the status of the mother is three times higher than that of the father. A man asked him once, “Which person is the most deserving of my best treatment?” The Prophet answered, “Your mother.” The man asked two more times and each time the Prophet answered, “Your mother.” Only on the fourth time did he answer, “Your father.”[7] Imagine the feelings of mothers when they heard that. Surely it was a validation for all the sacrifices that mothers made all the time without acknowledgement or admiration.
At a time when the men started to embrace the religion of Islam and practiced all the rituals with much vigour, the Prophet s.a.w. would shorten the congregational prayers that he was leading – simply because he heard a child crying and he did not want to prolong the distress of the child’s mother[8]! He understood how upset a mother can get when she is unable to attend to the needs of her crying child immediately, and he acknowledged this in action. By shortening his prayer, he was sending a message that being religious is not just about long prayers and lengthy recitations – it is also about having empathy, being compassionate and considerate of others, especially to those who are more vulnerable, like children and their mothers. It is a profoundly powerful message.
Time and time again, we can see in the life of the Prophet that he valued women, and that he deemed them to be as worthy as men. In Islam, men and women are religiously equal – they will both be rewarded for their good deeds, and they will both be punished for their bad deeds. They both have their own roles, obligations, and trials. Neither is more superior than the other. One is not meant to serve the other or exist solely for the pleasure of the other.
Through his words and actions, Rasulullah s.a.w. taught the society – and the world – that women are not lesser. He celebrated women simply by treating them the way they should be treated – as human beings – equal to men in the sight of Allah, deserving of respect, honour, admiration, and love.
References:
[1] Surah an-Nahl, verses 57-59.
[2] https://sunnah.com/bukhari:5996
[3] https://sunnah.com/abudawud:5217
[4] https://sunnah.com/ibnmajah:3669
[5] https://sunnah.com/tirmidhi:1916
[6] https://sunnah.com/ibnmajah:1977
[7] https://sunnah.com/bukhari:5971
[8] https://sunnah.com/riyadussalihin:231